Does Being One-Thirtysecond Irish Count?

Wednesday morning is set to be the single most agonizing morning in my life. Not only will I have a dreadful hangover, I will also be compelled to endure three hours of lecturing on how Queen Elizabeth I got on with her Privy Council and her parliament. Do I care about that? Really? My coursework is much more fun as I get to criticise the policies of the U.S. in Vietnam. I chose to do so but this is because, as a British citizen, I feel compelled to hate America.

I do find violent conflicts very entertaining. Apart from when innocents are killed. But if they aren't...well, then it's exciting. And the situation across the Irish sea is getting rather tasty right now, with the with the Real, Provisional, Official, Continuity, Full Fat, Ready Salted, Nice n' Spicy, I Can't Believe It's Not IRA on the loose. Another Irish civil war here we come!

I have now covered one of the main aspects of being a paddy. Violence. Now to the next stereotypical trait. Drunkenness. Yes, I know not all Irish people are always drunk, but 94% are. And tomorrow is complete proof that the Irish are fans of alcoholic beverages. They only invented St. Patrick's day for one reason and that is to get completely carparked and fight each other out in the carpark. Wow... I've managed to find a link between the Irish, alcohol and violence! Well done me!

And now, on to the inevitable complaining section of the post. It makes sense to me that 100% Irish blooded people can claim to be Irish. That's pretty commendable, managing to state your country of origin, well done. 50% Irish? Well, ok, but only cos you went on a holiday to Ireland and your dad visited a cheap Irish harlot, accidentally conceiving you. (what? it's possible...)

But blatantly English people with surnames such as O'Brien and Doherty do depress me when they claim to be a paddy. Why? What's wrong with being English? Please tell me why you would rather be seen as a leprechaun than a normal, respected human being? To me, if you don't talk with the funny accent, then you ain't Irish. It is as if people claim to be Irish just to make themselves look cool in front of others.

Well, to me, it makes you look like an angry, green wearing, gold burying, football losing, shamrock munching, Guinness drinking, violent republican lunatic.

Can you be racist towards Irish people? Whoops...