Laziness: The Next Pandemic

There are three things everyone wants from life: Money, freedom and happiness. Anyone who has achieved any one of these has done extremely well for themselves. Especially the money one. Alas, apparently you have to work for money. And work is elephant testicles. When you do get a job and earn money, Mr Brown helps himself to a third of it.

Sorry for the gloomy introduction there but I'm afraid I am in a rather sullen state of mind currently. I need a job, but where will I find somewhere that gives me plenty of money, somewhere where the fellow workers are not complete retarded twats and somewhere that gives me some amount of freedom and happiness.

This cannot happen as everywhere you go, there are twats. And unfortunately, twats have to work somewhere as well. This cancels out any easy work (fast food restaurants, cleaning, etc.) as it is the cranially deficient morons who are employed as cheap labour in such places.

So, I am forced to get a job with a calibre of complication, as to avoid working with brain dead twats. But this means my happiness is severely hampered. If the work is too hard, then I will just give up and go to sleep. On the spot. And I'm not sure employers will like that too much...

Beer, chocolate or bed testing would be brilliant, but these jobs really are more fantasies that will never happen, regrettably. And I partake avidly in all three activities plenty enough already. (I can just imagine being paid to do it though... heaven... [if it existed. Which it doesn't])

I sometimes wonder how many people like me are alive. People so abundantly lackadaisical that they would happily miss an episode of Top Gear in order to catch a few Z's, that they would skip dinner in order to just lie in bed staring at the ceiling and that they would even pass up an opportunity to do something extraordinary like to go into space to sleep for a few more hours. (The last one is a lie... I might just take someone up on it :P)

If this laziness spreads then we are all in trouble. The country would come to a standstill (well, a sleepstill) and the economy would perish completely. I guess I could use this as motivation. Or I could just look in my wallet and realise that any job will do just so long as I get some £ rolling in.

And don't worry, I watched Top Gear on BBC iPlayer a few days later ...when I got up.